for dads of daughters (part 1)

i NEVER thought this would be me.

i never ever in my wildest dreams thought i would be the daddy of a daughter.

even if i thought about being a dad one day i never figured i would have a girl! ha... just automatically assumed i would have a boy. crazy how my brain worked that way.

now, i think girls are the best. i LOVE being a dad to an awesome little girl.

& i am absolutely, 100% committed to being the best Dad to Keira that she could possibly have. i'm passionate about that and am making it a priority. don't even know what all that will mean just yet... but i'm committed to figuring it out.

Crystal sent me a blog by this guy & it is AWESOME. i'm definitely gonna read what he has to say more often. This post was called 50 Rules for Dads of Daughters. you can read the whole thing HERE & i'll just be posting my FAVS from the list over the next couple days.
[my personal commentary/thoughts are in brackets]

(The author, Michael Mitchell, is an (almost) thirty-something dad who blogs daily tips and life lessons for dads of daughters at lifetoheryears.com )

RULES FOR DADS OF DAUGHTERS:

1. Love her mom. Treat her mother with respect, honor, and a big heaping spoonful of public displays of affection. When she grows up, the odds are good she’ll fall in love with and marry someone who treats her much like you treated her mother. Good or bad, that’s just the way it is. I’d prefer good.
[RIGHT ON to this. i'ma do my best. Crystal & i have already agreed that (like Andy says) the best gift we can give our kids is a healthy marriage!]

2. Always be there. Quality time doesn’t happen without quantity time. Hang out together for no other reason than just to be in each other’s presence. Be genuinely interested in the things that interest her. She needs her dad to be involved in her life at every stage. Don’t just sit idly by while she adds years to her life… add life to her years.
[YES! i will  freaking do this! no matter what. i'll drop a lot of balls and miss out on a lot of things but this time with my daughter is 1 thing i refuse to miss out on. like i said HERE.]

3. Save the day. She’ll grow up looking for a hero. It might as well be you. She’ll need you to come through for her over and over again throughout her life. Rise to the occasion. Red cape and blue tights optional.

4. Savor every moment you have together. Today she’s crawling around the house in diapers, tomorrow you’re handing her the keys to the car, and before you know it, you’re walking her down the aisle. Some day soon, hanging out with her old man won’t be the bees knees anymore. Life happens pretty fast. You better cherish it while you can.
  [stupid Stephen Curtis Chapman song about dancing with Cinderella or something... never even heard the words before. now i sing it while Keira and i dance together... as i remind myself that there will always be time to work, but this time with her will be gone before i know it!]

5. Pray for her. Regularly. Passionately. Continually.
[i pretty much pray for her so passionately that it's a sob fest every single time. not sure why. that's just the way it goes down with me. so sappy i guess. my heart bursts with passion. i hold her and pump my fist with these crazy desires as i beg God to rock her world & rock the world through her. 1 day i'm sure she'll think this is weird and i may stop... stop doing it in front of her, at least... the fist pumping that is]

7. She will fight with her mother. Choose sides wisely.

9. Of course you look silly playing peek-a-boo. You should play anyway.

[yep. sure will. but it's all good. i've always been one to be cool with looking "silly". i'll own being daddy of a little girl well. i hope.]

10. Enjoy the wonder of bath time.
[yep. bath time is her fav... therefor it's my fav too.]

12. It’s never too early to start teaching her about money. She will still probably suck you dry as a teenager… and on her wedding day.
[she is in trouble because they call me a "Ramsey-ite"]

14. Buy her a pair of Chucks as soon as she starts walking. She won’t always want to wear matching shoes with her old man.

15. Dance with her. Start when she’s a little girl or even when she’s a baby. Don’t wait ‘til her wedding

The rest of my favs from the list coming tomorrow, so check back then.

Happy Birthday Mom!

just a quick HAPPY BIRTHDAY shout out to my amazing Mom!

today is her birthday and she has a pretty awesome gift, i think... 2 new lungs that are working like lungs are supposed to work.

she may get her trach out today too - that'd be a great birthday gift.

i asked her a while back what she wanted for a birthday gift & her reply was "to walk & eat."

well, she had her 1st meal since the transplant this past Monday night & she's been walking little by little trying to get her strength back.
That's all you asked for, Mom :)

i know it's not ideal to spend your birthday in the hospital, but Happy Birthday anyway to the most amazing Mom!
i love you Mom & can't wait til you come home.

new lungs & kingdom

God didn't make lungs to go bad and get all diseased like my Mom's did.

he made everything good.

and then it all got jacked up.

there's really 2 ages of time:
1) the one that's been going for thousands of years... it's the one that's jacked up. lungs go bad and people get really sick, etc...
2) and then there's the coming age where everything will be restored and made right.

but ever since Jesus showed up, something crazy and awesome happened. those 2 ages started to blend together. that coming perfect age isn't fully here on earth yet, but we're not just stuck in the old age either because we catch glimpses of that "world made right".
the earth is being restored and you can see it in action sometimes.

Jesus said "I am making everything new." and He is. and we celebrate when we see glimpses of it. those glimpses are the Kingdom of God breaking in. it's a revolution happening now & it's a glimpse of what's coming...

2 new lungs for my Mom is a glimpse of the Kingdom of God. it's not fully here yet or else her lungs would have never gone bad in the 1st place. but it's restoration. it's a glimpse of something that was broken being made new.

and it's beautiful.

Kingdom. making all things new.

God did this for the sake of His fame.
i know, i know... a fancy lung transplant Doctor with a degree from Harvard who now works at Duke named Dr. Lin did the surgery that gave my Mom new lungs. he's an agent of the Kingdom.

high five Dr. Lin & all you Doctors & nurses who have been taking care of my Mom. you are awesome and i'm so thankful for you. but i'm giving God the cred for this. he gets the glory. His renown is spreading because of this.

ever since i was a little kid i've been praying that God would miraculously heal my Mom.
why "miraculously"? because that's the only way, the Doctors said. nothing they could really do for her.
at some point, when i "got it", i started praying that God would heal my Mom (yes for our joy, but ultimately) for His renown. to make Him look awesome. a miracle healing would certainly do that right?

so, which is more of a miracle? instant miraculous healing with no explanation?
OR giving man the tools, genius, and resources to develop this radically new idea of being able to Transplant someone else's lungs into another human body! in order to save their lives?

that's pretty crazy to me.

you tell me, which is the miracle? God healing my Mom miraculously and instantaneously?
OR somehow (beyond Doctors' explanations) keeping her alive these last 10 years until technology, science, and medicine caught up and developed the ability to do a double lung transplant?

my Mom's going to be like a new person. she'll have a new life.

this isn't just another day at the office.

this is Kingdom. God is making all things new. it's breaking in.

and i've had a front row seat for it.

and we can get really excited and praise Him for it.

i know i am.

shocked in a good way (Mom's new lungs)

When i walked into my Mom's room at Duke hospital on Sunday night i was shocked. but for the opposite reason than i was usually shocked.

Every time i had walked into her room before Sunday i was shocked in a bad way. the person in the bed either didn't look like my Mom... or it looked like my Mom on her death bed. both were major bummers & a SHOCK.

Sunday night when i walked into my Mom's room i was shocked in a GREAT way. she looked like my Mom. she was talking like my Mom! she was happy and joking and smiling like my Mom.

it was awesome.

Yesterday one of the Doctors from ICU just came walking by my Mom's room. i remembered her from like the 1st or 2nd day after the transplant... back when things were not good. back when the Doctors were trying to be positive, but...
This lady was the Doctor who told us my Mom was going to have to go on ECMO, etc...

anyway, she came walking briskly by my Mom's room, stopped, and did a double take.
she came walking in with a big smile saying loudly "I didn't even recognize you! you look amazing!"
before she let she said "You made my night. I'm so excited to see you doing so much better."

i think my Mom's pretty excited too. excited to eat. excited to be able to walk a little. excited to TALK!
she's talking like her old self. and she hasn't been able to talk for 2 months so she has A LOT to say!
today she was telling me all about all her hallucinations for the 1st 6 weeks after the transplant. she doesn't really remember much about my Dad and i being there, but she remembers all these crazy hallucinations.

i think they're thinking tomorrow they may try to take her trach totally out! that would be a big deal. pretty soon the only thing left to get better will be the strength back in her legs and she can come home after she walks 20 laps around the unit. she walked 2 laps today :)

great news on my Mom's new lungs!

i feel like i haven't always had great news to share on a visit to see my Mom @ Duke Hospital over these last 2 months.
there have been some scary days.

some hard days.

some very emotional and draining days.

but today was awesome.

my Mom is doing amazing compared to the past 2 months. her lungs are working great. she's now on no oxygen, no ventilator, no nothing. in fact, the Doctors are now saying that the lungs & breathing are the least of her worries!

what?
i asked my Mom if she ever thought she would hear a Doctor say that :)

she looks amazing. she looks like she used to.

i'm so pumped. & my Mom can actually talk now! :) it's not nearly her full voice - she sounds a bit like a 12 year old girl, but it's awesome to hear her voice.

i walked 1 lap around her unit with her today! WALKED... with a walker & 3 of us walking with her. we stopped 4-5 times to take a break but she still made it all the way around. awesome.

her legs are crazy weak. they look (& she says they feel) like spaghetti noodles. it's going to take a while to get her strength back.

oh & she had her 1st MEAL tonight in over 2 months. she was stoked. she ate some lasagna & had some tea. made her day for sure. all in her pretty much regular hospital room. (no more ICU!)

oh & she got to talk to Keira on Face Time.
pretty good day all in all.

way different than a lot of days we used to have. crazy thankful. so thankful to have my Mom back! thankful for these 2 brand new lungs!

my chains are gone (repost)

(haven't been able to blog much lately. have hundreds of articles mostly written & hundreds more bouncing around in my head... just trying to find time to sit and get them down on paper. hoping [needing] to do it soon. for now, here's a look back to about a year before Keira was born and what we were up to.)

don't think i need to say much. this is what we see, hear, and experience pretty much 24/7.

my Mom's lungs are improving!

yep. my Mom's lungs are doing a lot better these days.

i talked to her on the phone yesterday and she is sounding great. still just a whisper through her trach, but a LONG way from where she started.
i'm going to see her again in a few days. pumped about that.

she walked about 50 feet today with the help of a walker & a couple physical therapy guys. crazy improvement from not being able to lift her leg in the bed just a short time ago.

she's working so hard. she is a fighter.

A nurse practitioner said again that she might get to go home (Durham home) in as short as 3 weeks! that's how much she has improved! that would be pretty awesome.

thanks to all of you for praying for her & all your support. i can't wait til my Mom can breathe on her own with her new lungs and get out of that hospital :)
i can't wait until she can hold her new granddaughter again :)

there's writing... and then there's writing

i really love to write.

but as i've said before, i really love to write WHAT i want to write WHEN i want to write.

i have been cranking out research papers this semester at an insane pace. i enjoy it at the beginning, but because i don't have adequate time to put into it, i am hating it by the end of the paper.
sometimes i don't even feel like reading my own finished product.

i'm genuinely hoping this doesn't make me fall out of love with writing.

of dallas, weddings, & scottie too hottie

my boy Scott is getting married TOMORROW!

it's so crazy that he's tying the knot.
Scott was my roommate in college. we met our 1st day as freshmen and were great friends ever since. played soccer together, hung at the beach together all the time, & had some awesome good times together.

i think i invented the nickname for him - "Scottie too hottie", but don't quote me on that. i remember being an ardent user of it at least.

i haven't actually seen him in person since my wedding over 6 years ago. that's a long time, but we picked up right where we left off. i had to beat him down in FIFA just now (4-1) just like the olden days when we were roommates :)

he's actually teaching some fancy classes at a local private college - DBU. check out this classroom he teaches in. that's what i'm talking about! i never remember a college classroom looking like that. really nice campus and facilities.

then next door to the college is The Potter's House where T.D. Jakes is pastor. i had no idea he lived so close. it's a pretty massive place with an overflow parking across the street that rivals the parking of a small stadium.
i thought about seeing if i could talk to T.D. but i didn't have an appointment or anything, you know...

anyway, really good to hang with Scott again after all these years - & i've hung with 2 of his bros so far & the rest of the fam is on the way in. rehearsal & rehearsal dinner tonight. maybe i'll surprise Scott with an embarrassing speech or something.

i met his fiance for the 1st time today and she seems awesome. we hung out for a while as we were looking for Scotts' passport for over an hour :)  haha, i don't think he would have thought to look for it yet if she hadn't asked him.
found it though, so no worries.

pumped to celebrate Scott & Katy getting married tomorrow. proud of you bro.

kony 2012!

everyone knows Invisible Children... let's hype Kony 2012 this year...
check it out if you haven't watched it already.



who's in with me? - let's hook it up that night in April. i'm up for a good all-nighter on the streets of Charlotte posting some Kony 2012 propaganda!
let's make it a party and join up and do it together.

children see. children do. (for real.)

in case you missed it i posted a really powerful video HERE.

recently Crystal's grandmother was at our house visiting from NY - to see Keira for the 1st time.
just to preface, her grandmother is the epitome of a godly woman/follower of Jesus - and by that i mean, in her every day, walking around life she exudes a spirit and attitude that attempts to live life like Jesus did. she's as authentic as it gets and what you see is what you get with her. she's the same in every situation. i don't think you could find anyone in the world who would have anything negative to say about her.
all pretty crazy for a pastor's wife who has been in the "fishbowl", so to speak, for 40 years or so.

anyway, Crystal and i are listening intently for parenting philosophies, "theologies of parenting" if you will... things that we think are wise or that we want to pick up on and learn from and implement. our ears are perked up to hear this kind of stuff.

Crystal's Grandmother happened to be with us when it seemed Keira was 1st starting to IMITATE what she saw us do. they were talking about how cute that was and then her grandmother said something profound that rocked us both:

"When my children started imitating it really made me think about what I did...

Because I wanted EVERYTHING that I did to be worth imitating."

i think it took a little bit for the power of that statement to sink in with Crystal. she just processed it a little bit. she shared it with me later that night and the power and weight of that statement almost knocked me down. it cut us to the heart.

that's humbling. it's inspiring. and yeah, that's the way we want to live in front of Keira.

because children see, children do.

they're going to figure out how to live by watching their parents.

i know i did.

i have hundreds of stories i could share from growing up. my Dad was this guy who lived with an amazing integrity whether anyone was watching or not. and i know because i was watching a lot of times that he never knew i was. i still remember those moments and you better believe they impacted me & still do.

but aside from all those memories there's one image that's burned into my brain. every single morning from the time i was pretty much old enough to remember, til i graduated from high school and went away... i can remember walking down the hall and passing my Dad's room and seeing him reading the Bible. just immersed in it.
i remember walking by and thinking "man, what is in that book that's so good? because i just don't see it. seems boring to me."
in fact, i was pretty sure he already knew how all the stories ended but he was so into reading it for some reason. it made me want to know what he saw that i didn't.

eventually i started imitating.

i don't know when i actually fell in love with that collection of books we call the Bible, but my Dad was the 1st person and only person for a really long time that i ever actually saw love that Book. i'm thankful i had someone to imitate.

children see. children do.

so, how in the world are Crystal and i going to live lives in such a way that we never do anything that's not worth imitating?

well, we have goals for what we would love to see Keira become & i guess we need to constantly be becoming those type of people too...

it matters big time.

because

children see. children do.

children see. children do.

1 year ago today (Keira)

1 year ago today Crystal and i learned the most amazing news... we were having a baby!

1 year ago today we found out that Keira was on the way.

i was actually on the phone up in my office when she came to talk to me with an extremely stern look on her face. she said "i need you to come downstairs right now." i figured either i was in big trouble or the dog, jack bauer was. i weasled out of the phone conversation i was in by saying "whoa, something is up. my wife needs me right away." i was hoping that person wouldn't remember and ask me later what had happened.

these pics capture our emotions through the expressions on our faces that night.

i remember we stopped right there immediately in the middle of the kitchen that night and PRAYED. couldn't think of anything else to do. i remember praying... declaring that we desperately needed God's help. and THANKS for this amazing blessing!

i remember thinking that i SOOOO wasn't ready. i seriously thought we had a solid 1-2 years at least before we would get pregnant.

we had just come home from Kenya and the malaria meds had JUST gone out of our system. i think we had literally come off birth control like the day before this. i seriously just figured we would get pregnant in a year or 2.
i could be ready in a year or 2, but not today.

i always said i wouldn't mind waiting til i was 30 or after to have kids, but i didn't make it. definitely for the next one though :)

oh, and here was the proof Crystal gave me that she was pregnant.

pretty convincing to me.

i'll always remember that moment. stunned and shocked. freaked and excited. overwhelmed.

our lives have not been the same since that night 1 year ago.

they have never been better. Keira is the most amazing source of joy over the past year. this is nothing like i ever imagined. it is so much better.

crazy thankful for that night 1 year ago. i feel way different about it today than i did that night. Keira is the most awesome baby ever. i'm crazy proud to be her daddy.

my Mom talked to me yesterday! (update)

i TALKED to my Mom yesterday! as in she actually spoke to me.

through her trach of course, but i could hear her over the phone and we had about a 10 minute conversation.

it was awesome.

i hadn't heard my Mom's voice in over a month now. it was really really cool to talk to her.

she also was able to eat and drink for the 1st time yesterday. she still has the feeding tube in, but she's able to eat and drink a little for real now.

she told me all about what she had too - a Little Debbie cookie, some jello, apple juice, milk? i think.
she was pretty excited.

her birthday is coming up March 22 and i asked her what she wanted. she said to be able to eat and to walk. that would be awesome.

she still can't really move her legs much and definitely can't put any weight on them. something to do with her nerves now... they stopped working maybe?

also, 2 nights ago she became "unresponsive". i don't completely know what that means but i know it wasn't good.
i asked my Mom about it and she didn't know anything about it. ignorance is bliss i guess.

long road ahead still but she has come so far!
thanks for all your support