Happy Birthday Mom!

just a quick HAPPY BIRTHDAY shout out to my amazing Mom!

today is her birthday and she has a pretty awesome gift, i think... 2 new lungs that are working like lungs are supposed to work.

she may get her trach out today too - that'd be a great birthday gift.

i asked her a while back what she wanted for a birthday gift & her reply was "to walk & eat."

well, she had her 1st meal since the transplant this past Monday night & she's been walking little by little trying to get her strength back.
That's all you asked for, Mom :)

i know it's not ideal to spend your birthday in the hospital, but Happy Birthday anyway to the most amazing Mom!
i love you Mom & can't wait til you come home.

new lungs & kingdom

God didn't make lungs to go bad and get all diseased like my Mom's did.

he made everything good.

and then it all got jacked up.

there's really 2 ages of time:
1) the one that's been going for thousands of years... it's the one that's jacked up. lungs go bad and people get really sick, etc...
2) and then there's the coming age where everything will be restored and made right.

but ever since Jesus showed up, something crazy and awesome happened. those 2 ages started to blend together. that coming perfect age isn't fully here on earth yet, but we're not just stuck in the old age either because we catch glimpses of that "world made right".
the earth is being restored and you can see it in action sometimes.

Jesus said "I am making everything new." and He is. and we celebrate when we see glimpses of it. those glimpses are the Kingdom of God breaking in. it's a revolution happening now & it's a glimpse of what's coming...

2 new lungs for my Mom is a glimpse of the Kingdom of God. it's not fully here yet or else her lungs would have never gone bad in the 1st place. but it's restoration. it's a glimpse of something that was broken being made new.

and it's beautiful.

Kingdom. making all things new.

God did this for the sake of His fame.
i know, i know... a fancy lung transplant Doctor with a degree from Harvard who now works at Duke named Dr. Lin did the surgery that gave my Mom new lungs. he's an agent of the Kingdom.

high five Dr. Lin & all you Doctors & nurses who have been taking care of my Mom. you are awesome and i'm so thankful for you. but i'm giving God the cred for this. he gets the glory. His renown is spreading because of this.

ever since i was a little kid i've been praying that God would miraculously heal my Mom.
why "miraculously"? because that's the only way, the Doctors said. nothing they could really do for her.
at some point, when i "got it", i started praying that God would heal my Mom (yes for our joy, but ultimately) for His renown. to make Him look awesome. a miracle healing would certainly do that right?

so, which is more of a miracle? instant miraculous healing with no explanation?
OR giving man the tools, genius, and resources to develop this radically new idea of being able to Transplant someone else's lungs into another human body! in order to save their lives?

that's pretty crazy to me.

you tell me, which is the miracle? God healing my Mom miraculously and instantaneously?
OR somehow (beyond Doctors' explanations) keeping her alive these last 10 years until technology, science, and medicine caught up and developed the ability to do a double lung transplant?

my Mom's going to be like a new person. she'll have a new life.

this isn't just another day at the office.

this is Kingdom. God is making all things new. it's breaking in.

and i've had a front row seat for it.

and we can get really excited and praise Him for it.

i know i am.

shocked in a good way (Mom's new lungs)

When i walked into my Mom's room at Duke hospital on Sunday night i was shocked. but for the opposite reason than i was usually shocked.

Every time i had walked into her room before Sunday i was shocked in a bad way. the person in the bed either didn't look like my Mom... or it looked like my Mom on her death bed. both were major bummers & a SHOCK.

Sunday night when i walked into my Mom's room i was shocked in a GREAT way. she looked like my Mom. she was talking like my Mom! she was happy and joking and smiling like my Mom.

it was awesome.

Yesterday one of the Doctors from ICU just came walking by my Mom's room. i remembered her from like the 1st or 2nd day after the transplant... back when things were not good. back when the Doctors were trying to be positive, but...
This lady was the Doctor who told us my Mom was going to have to go on ECMO, etc...

anyway, she came walking briskly by my Mom's room, stopped, and did a double take.
she came walking in with a big smile saying loudly "I didn't even recognize you! you look amazing!"
before she let she said "You made my night. I'm so excited to see you doing so much better."

i think my Mom's pretty excited too. excited to eat. excited to be able to walk a little. excited to TALK!
she's talking like her old self. and she hasn't been able to talk for 2 months so she has A LOT to say!
today she was telling me all about all her hallucinations for the 1st 6 weeks after the transplant. she doesn't really remember much about my Dad and i being there, but she remembers all these crazy hallucinations.

i think they're thinking tomorrow they may try to take her trach totally out! that would be a big deal. pretty soon the only thing left to get better will be the strength back in her legs and she can come home after she walks 20 laps around the unit. she walked 2 laps today :)

great news on my Mom's new lungs!

i feel like i haven't always had great news to share on a visit to see my Mom @ Duke Hospital over these last 2 months.
there have been some scary days.

some hard days.

some very emotional and draining days.

but today was awesome.

my Mom is doing amazing compared to the past 2 months. her lungs are working great. she's now on no oxygen, no ventilator, no nothing. in fact, the Doctors are now saying that the lungs & breathing are the least of her worries!

what?
i asked my Mom if she ever thought she would hear a Doctor say that :)

she looks amazing. she looks like she used to.

i'm so pumped. & my Mom can actually talk now! :) it's not nearly her full voice - she sounds a bit like a 12 year old girl, but it's awesome to hear her voice.

i walked 1 lap around her unit with her today! WALKED... with a walker & 3 of us walking with her. we stopped 4-5 times to take a break but she still made it all the way around. awesome.

her legs are crazy weak. they look (& she says they feel) like spaghetti noodles. it's going to take a while to get her strength back.

oh & she had her 1st MEAL tonight in over 2 months. she was stoked. she ate some lasagna & had some tea. made her day for sure. all in her pretty much regular hospital room. (no more ICU!)

oh & she got to talk to Keira on Face Time.
pretty good day all in all.

way different than a lot of days we used to have. crazy thankful. so thankful to have my Mom back! thankful for these 2 brand new lungs!

my chains are gone (repost)

(haven't been able to blog much lately. have hundreds of articles mostly written & hundreds more bouncing around in my head... just trying to find time to sit and get them down on paper. hoping [needing] to do it soon. for now, here's a look back to about a year before Keira was born and what we were up to.)

don't think i need to say much. this is what we see, hear, and experience pretty much 24/7.

my Mom's lungs are improving!

yep. my Mom's lungs are doing a lot better these days.

i talked to her on the phone yesterday and she is sounding great. still just a whisper through her trach, but a LONG way from where she started.
i'm going to see her again in a few days. pumped about that.

she walked about 50 feet today with the help of a walker & a couple physical therapy guys. crazy improvement from not being able to lift her leg in the bed just a short time ago.

she's working so hard. she is a fighter.

A nurse practitioner said again that she might get to go home (Durham home) in as short as 3 weeks! that's how much she has improved! that would be pretty awesome.

thanks to all of you for praying for her & all your support. i can't wait til my Mom can breathe on her own with her new lungs and get out of that hospital :)
i can't wait until she can hold her new granddaughter again :)

there's writing... and then there's writing

i really love to write.

but as i've said before, i really love to write WHAT i want to write WHEN i want to write.

i have been cranking out research papers this semester at an insane pace. i enjoy it at the beginning, but because i don't have adequate time to put into it, i am hating it by the end of the paper.
sometimes i don't even feel like reading my own finished product.

i'm genuinely hoping this doesn't make me fall out of love with writing.

of dallas, weddings, & scottie too hottie

my boy Scott is getting married TOMORROW!

it's so crazy that he's tying the knot.
Scott was my roommate in college. we met our 1st day as freshmen and were great friends ever since. played soccer together, hung at the beach together all the time, & had some awesome good times together.

i think i invented the nickname for him - "Scottie too hottie", but don't quote me on that. i remember being an ardent user of it at least.

i haven't actually seen him in person since my wedding over 6 years ago. that's a long time, but we picked up right where we left off. i had to beat him down in FIFA just now (4-1) just like the olden days when we were roommates :)

he's actually teaching some fancy classes at a local private college - DBU. check out this classroom he teaches in. that's what i'm talking about! i never remember a college classroom looking like that. really nice campus and facilities.

then next door to the college is The Potter's House where T.D. Jakes is pastor. i had no idea he lived so close. it's a pretty massive place with an overflow parking across the street that rivals the parking of a small stadium.
i thought about seeing if i could talk to T.D. but i didn't have an appointment or anything, you know...

anyway, really good to hang with Scott again after all these years - & i've hung with 2 of his bros so far & the rest of the fam is on the way in. rehearsal & rehearsal dinner tonight. maybe i'll surprise Scott with an embarrassing speech or something.

i met his fiance for the 1st time today and she seems awesome. we hung out for a while as we were looking for Scotts' passport for over an hour :)  haha, i don't think he would have thought to look for it yet if she hadn't asked him.
found it though, so no worries.

pumped to celebrate Scott & Katy getting married tomorrow. proud of you bro.

kony 2012!

everyone knows Invisible Children... let's hype Kony 2012 this year...
check it out if you haven't watched it already.



who's in with me? - let's hook it up that night in April. i'm up for a good all-nighter on the streets of Charlotte posting some Kony 2012 propaganda!
let's make it a party and join up and do it together.

children see. children do. (for real.)

in case you missed it i posted a really powerful video HERE.

recently Crystal's grandmother was at our house visiting from NY - to see Keira for the 1st time.
just to preface, her grandmother is the epitome of a godly woman/follower of Jesus - and by that i mean, in her every day, walking around life she exudes a spirit and attitude that attempts to live life like Jesus did. she's as authentic as it gets and what you see is what you get with her. she's the same in every situation. i don't think you could find anyone in the world who would have anything negative to say about her.
all pretty crazy for a pastor's wife who has been in the "fishbowl", so to speak, for 40 years or so.

anyway, Crystal and i are listening intently for parenting philosophies, "theologies of parenting" if you will... things that we think are wise or that we want to pick up on and learn from and implement. our ears are perked up to hear this kind of stuff.

Crystal's Grandmother happened to be with us when it seemed Keira was 1st starting to IMITATE what she saw us do. they were talking about how cute that was and then her grandmother said something profound that rocked us both:

"When my children started imitating it really made me think about what I did...

Because I wanted EVERYTHING that I did to be worth imitating."

i think it took a little bit for the power of that statement to sink in with Crystal. she just processed it a little bit. she shared it with me later that night and the power and weight of that statement almost knocked me down. it cut us to the heart.

that's humbling. it's inspiring. and yeah, that's the way we want to live in front of Keira.

because children see, children do.

they're going to figure out how to live by watching their parents.

i know i did.

i have hundreds of stories i could share from growing up. my Dad was this guy who lived with an amazing integrity whether anyone was watching or not. and i know because i was watching a lot of times that he never knew i was. i still remember those moments and you better believe they impacted me & still do.

but aside from all those memories there's one image that's burned into my brain. every single morning from the time i was pretty much old enough to remember, til i graduated from high school and went away... i can remember walking down the hall and passing my Dad's room and seeing him reading the Bible. just immersed in it.
i remember walking by and thinking "man, what is in that book that's so good? because i just don't see it. seems boring to me."
in fact, i was pretty sure he already knew how all the stories ended but he was so into reading it for some reason. it made me want to know what he saw that i didn't.

eventually i started imitating.

i don't know when i actually fell in love with that collection of books we call the Bible, but my Dad was the 1st person and only person for a really long time that i ever actually saw love that Book. i'm thankful i had someone to imitate.

children see. children do.

so, how in the world are Crystal and i going to live lives in such a way that we never do anything that's not worth imitating?

well, we have goals for what we would love to see Keira become & i guess we need to constantly be becoming those type of people too...

it matters big time.

because

children see. children do.

children see. children do.

1 year ago today (Keira)

1 year ago today Crystal and i learned the most amazing news... we were having a baby!

1 year ago today we found out that Keira was on the way.

i was actually on the phone up in my office when she came to talk to me with an extremely stern look on her face. she said "i need you to come downstairs right now." i figured either i was in big trouble or the dog, jack bauer was. i weasled out of the phone conversation i was in by saying "whoa, something is up. my wife needs me right away." i was hoping that person wouldn't remember and ask me later what had happened.

these pics capture our emotions through the expressions on our faces that night.

i remember we stopped right there immediately in the middle of the kitchen that night and PRAYED. couldn't think of anything else to do. i remember praying... declaring that we desperately needed God's help. and THANKS for this amazing blessing!

i remember thinking that i SOOOO wasn't ready. i seriously thought we had a solid 1-2 years at least before we would get pregnant.

we had just come home from Kenya and the malaria meds had JUST gone out of our system. i think we had literally come off birth control like the day before this. i seriously just figured we would get pregnant in a year or 2.
i could be ready in a year or 2, but not today.

i always said i wouldn't mind waiting til i was 30 or after to have kids, but i didn't make it. definitely for the next one though :)

oh, and here was the proof Crystal gave me that she was pregnant.

pretty convincing to me.

i'll always remember that moment. stunned and shocked. freaked and excited. overwhelmed.

our lives have not been the same since that night 1 year ago.

they have never been better. Keira is the most amazing source of joy over the past year. this is nothing like i ever imagined. it is so much better.

crazy thankful for that night 1 year ago. i feel way different about it today than i did that night. Keira is the most awesome baby ever. i'm crazy proud to be her daddy.

my Mom talked to me yesterday! (update)

i TALKED to my Mom yesterday! as in she actually spoke to me.

through her trach of course, but i could hear her over the phone and we had about a 10 minute conversation.

it was awesome.

i hadn't heard my Mom's voice in over a month now. it was really really cool to talk to her.

she also was able to eat and drink for the 1st time yesterday. she still has the feeding tube in, but she's able to eat and drink a little for real now.

she told me all about what she had too - a Little Debbie cookie, some jello, apple juice, milk? i think.
she was pretty excited.

her birthday is coming up March 22 and i asked her what she wanted. she said to be able to eat and to walk. that would be awesome.

she still can't really move her legs much and definitely can't put any weight on them. something to do with her nerves now... they stopped working maybe?

also, 2 nights ago she became "unresponsive". i don't completely know what that means but i know it wasn't good.
i asked my Mom about it and she didn't know anything about it. ignorance is bliss i guess.

long road ahead still but she has come so far!
thanks for all your support

happy LEAP DAY!

can you remember from like 4th grade Science class why it's Leap Day today?

well, here's a fun little reminder + probably some stuff you didn't know.



hopefully that wasn't boring for you.
now you will be ready to explain it to anyone who asks today.

all out positivity & confidence

i heard a story recently... and honestly i'm not sure what it's intended point was... you know, i'm not sure what "the moral of the story" was, but i just made up my own. applied it in my own way.
i tend to do that a lot.

the story went something like this:

a little boy was playing out in his back yard. he was maybe 9 years old.

he's playing baseball with himself - you know, throwing the ball up in the air to himself and trying to hit it.

as he's doing this he keeps saying “I’m the greatest hitter in the world. I'm the greatest hitter in the world. I'm the greatest hitter in the world.” Over & over.

he tosses the ball up... swings & misses...

Strike 1.

“I’m the greatest hitter in the world."

he tosses the ball up again... swings & misses...
Strike 2.

“I’m the greatest hitter in the world."

for the third time he tosses the ball up... swings & misses...

Strike 3.

The boy stands there for a second... then throws both arms up in the air and shouts

“I’m the greatest pitcher in the world.”

Someone was actually standing there watching all this happen. That person asked the boy, How do you know you're the greatest pitcher in the world?

the boy answered

“because I just struck out the greatest hitter in the world.” 

i think it's a great story. i really like it.

i think all of us could learn something from this guy.

about reframing situations.

about all out positivity and confidence.

i want to live my life with this kind of confidence & undying positivity... no matter how many times i strike out.

environment is everything

Because of a class i'm in this semester i've had to immerse myself (quite literally) in the world of Paul. Paul i-don't-know-his-last-name... but the Apostle guy. who wrote all those letters.

yeah... that guy. 

it's been pretty amazing and i've learned a ton. 

one thing that's sticking in my head today is that the environment was very important to Paul. that's not a comment on whether or not he was a tree hugger... i'm just saying the context or environment within which he engaged people with the gospel was a big deal.

i had to read a ridiculous amount of books for the class and here are a few sentences that are still sticking with me from this guy named Schnabel:

 “Paul did not expect people to come to him: he went to the places where people lived.” 

 

“For people to hear the gospel, they will have to be sought out in places where they are willing to listen to discourses and are willing to engage in conversations.”

it's really obvious when put like this, but a lot of times we don't consider our environment when talking to people about really important stuff.

today, where are people willing to listen to discourses & willing to engage in conversations? 

Paul figured it the answer and went and did it.

have we? 

shocking stats

(i originally wrote and posted this to renown on February 18, 2010.)

my Pastor is awesome. He's not only my pastor, but he's also my boss... & my mentor. I'm honored to stand behind him and serve with him & I've learned so much from him these past few years.
He is a great man. He loves God + is a brilliant and corageous leader.

But I still pray for him constantly. I pray that God puts His hand on him and makes him an even greater and godlier leader. I pray that God protects him from Satan's attacks. I pray for his wife and kids. I pray that he can stay strong for the whole marathon.

Because I know that great men and women fall all the time. The statistics are dramatically against my pastor (and me, and your pastor) over the long haul. 

These are 2 sets of stats below that are nothing short of SHOCKING.
[My thoughts and comments are in brackets]

-  Pastors who work less than 50 hours a week are 35% more likely to be fired

-  Church peeps expect their pastors to juggle an average of 16 major tasks

-  Pastor has greatest impact in years 5-14, but average only lasts 5 years

-  40% report a serious conflict with a person in their church at least once per month.
[hey church peeps, how bout get off your pastor's back!]

-  80% of pastors believe that pastoral ministry affects their families negatively

-  75% have had a significant stress-related crisis at least once in their ministry

-  50% feel unable to meet needs of the job

-  40% of pastors say they’ve considered leaving their pastorates in last 3 months. [whoa! i wonder what % consider it once a week?]

-  33% confess inappropriate sexual behavior with someone in their church [that is crazy]

-  20% say they view porn at least once per month

-  51% say internet porn is possible temptation [I'm just curious here... what do the other 49% say? That it's NOT a temptation!? That's the half I'd be worried about. those pastors gotta sign up for XXXchurch ASAP!] & 37% say it’s a constant struggle

-  13% have been divorced

-  80% say they have insufficient time with their spouse

-  66% pastors & families feel pressure to model the ideal family to their congregations & communities

-  70% don’t have a close friend! [that sucks]

-  90% feel they’re inadequately trained to cope with ministry demands

-  45% say they’ve experienced depression or burnout to the extent that they needed  to take a leave of absence from ministry.

(I read these stats from Mike Erre who got them from H.B. London, Jr. & Neil B. Wiseman, Pastors at Greater Risk: Real Help for Pastors from Pastors Who’ve Been There)

(The stats below are from Mark Driscoll & are at The Resurgence)

-  1,500 pastors leave ministry each month due to moral failure, spiritual burnout, or contention in their churches

-  50% of pastors’ marriages will end in divorce [that is unbelievable!!! 50/50 chance you'll get divorced if you're a pastor. scary. that's messed up. but i guess it's 50/50 for every person... pastors are no different.]

-  80% & 84% of their spouses feel unqualified & discouraged in their role

-  50% are so discouraged they would quit if they could but have no other way of getting income

-  80% of seminary & Bible college grads who enter ministry will leave within 1^st 5 years

-  70% constantly fight depression

-  almost 40% said they’ve had an affair since beginning their ministry

-  80% of wives wish their spouse would choose another profession

“The majority of pastor’s wives surveyed said that the most destructive event that has occurred in their marriage and family was the day they entered the ministry.”

[wow! that hurts & is really scary. God, may that never be true in our lives!]

My heart just hurts after reading those! My heart is breaking.

I think there's only 1 thing to say after all that = PRAY for your Pastor!
Pray that God protects him from these attacks on his life and family! Pray that God renews and rejuvenates him so that he can be at the top of his game. Pray for his wife and kids. Pray that God will help you back him and be the kind of support he needs!

I know i need some peeps praying for me. Because i plan on being in this for the rest of my life. I want to be part of a revolution... But i am desperately dependent on God's grace to keep me and my wife from being any of these statistics!!!

DO YOU PRAY FOR YOUR PASTOR? 

is there a better way?

is there a better way to do this?

how often do you ask that question? how often do i?
probably not often enough.

i think that when we're doing anything that matters and we STOP asking the question "is there a better way?" then we're already done. our time is almost up.

this is a really important question to ask - to ask yourself and others.
because if what you're doing DOES matter, then wouldn't you want to know a better way?

so WHY don't we ask this question?
is it because we already think we have the best way? no better way exists?
i hope not. i hope that's not the reason. because that's pretty arrogant and at that point we are SO far gone that a conversation on this subject is pointless. if we find ourselves thinking that we already have the best way then we can probably just quit at that point.

so, i'm not convinced that's the reason. i push back all the time on having to ask myself and others this Q. i don't like to ask this Question. but why?

WHY do we not like to ask "is there a better way?"

it's hard

it takes more TIME

more effort

it makes it obvious that we're not the expert/ we don't know everything

it's very uncomfortable

it takes a little bit of humility

if we discover there is a better way then we'll have to STOP doing it our current way and make the necessary changes.

and that is hard.

so, it is EASIER to just keep doing it the same way and not even rock the boat.

but again, let's ask ourselves - is this something that MATTERS? is it worth doing? then it's worth doing better right? if it really matters that much.

maybe the best question to ask ourselves in these moments when we want to bail on doing the hard work of figuring out a BETTER WAY is...

what's at stake if we don't find a better way?

for Keira

so she doesn't always just have to hear me sing it to her.

Stevie sounds much better.

what we should learn from African theology

(I originally wrote and posted this to renown on February 10, 2010.)

Earlier this year I finished reading my 1st book written by the late, great missiologist David J. Bosch. He is the guru, but I've never read an entire book he wrote. But I recently finished Believing in the Future: Toward a Missiology of Western Culture and it was great stuff.

He applied much of his expertise in cross cultural mission to our mission here in the West [as it rightly should be applied the same!].

So, I know there are TONS of things we (in the West) should learn from African theology, but this is just one thought from Bosch on what we would do well to take from them

“African theology was to a significant extent missiological through and through.”

and along those lines...

“Third World theologies are missionary theologies, whereas First World theologies are not.” 

This is so true and points to the root of a lot of our problems here in the West. Many only think of being "on mission" in a foreign context, but not here in the West. 

Bosch wrote this back in the year of his death - 1992. Thankfully over these past 17-18 years the shift he wrote about has been happening here. We've still got a long way to go, but we're getting there, imho.

THANKS from my Mom

i was able to spend the last couple days with my Mom and i mainly just want to say THANK YOU SO MUCH!

thank you all for your support and love for my Mom. she knows about it, feels it, and is so thankful for all of you and your love for her.
Thank you to those of you who are praying for her too.

Yesterday i sat with her all day long. and she kept asking me over and over to read YOU GUYS' comments and support you've written to her. All your comments on my blog, the hundreds and thousands of comments on Facebook and her Caring Bridge site, etc... She LOVED hearing all that you guys were writing to her.

probably 6 or 8 times we got interrupted by nurses or doctors coming in and i would put my computer away. as soon as the nurse was done my Mom immediately asked me to start reading your comments again!
it was really cool. it was amazing how much your love and support energized my Mom and how much it pumped her up to hear from you all. i read to her for a couple hours.

she said to tell you all THANK YOU for this outpouring of support and THANK YOU for praying for her to get better and keep improving.

PLEASE keep this coming. say to her whatever you want to say and i will MAKE SURE she hears it from you. you have no idea how great it is for her to hear from you!

and thank you from me too. thank you for pouring out this love on my Mom, for praying for her...
and thanks for all your support of my Dad too! that is huge.
and i feel crazy loved and supported in this myself. thank you. you guys are awesome.

She is doing a lot better. she was off the vent yesterday for 8 or 9 hours and then off it again for another few hours. that's great.
she's doing physical therapy every day and still can't move her legs really. She has to work hard and keep improving her leg strength so she can start walking SO THAT the oxygen in her lungs can start moving a little better.
she's been laying flat on her back for about 18 or 19 days, so her legs are just so weak.

but i was pumped to spend time with her again. she's doing so much better.
she has a LONG way to go and she needs to get a lot better, but she's come so far.

thanks to God most of all. i don't believe any of this would be possible without His healing in her life all these years.

pretty funny story to share about my Mom tomorrow...

update on my Mom's lungs from last night

i'll start off by saying that my Mom is doing SO much better than the last time i saw her here at Duke hopsital! so thankful for that.

i got to spend the evening with her last night and it was a world of difference from the last time i was here with her.

She is off the ECMO (heart-lung) machine which is a big step. there is actually a little bit of room to stand next to her bed in the ICU room she's in because she's not hooked up to as many machines.

she is still on the Ventilator but sometimes they turn it down to about 25% which is great AND they have been trying to take her off of it for as long as they can at 1 time. i think she made it about 8 hours at once. major major progress.

she has a trache in now instead of the vent going down her throat. she's trying to talk like crazy but can't yet.

she is just like her old self. her personality is in full swing and i was loving it. she was trying to joke with my Dad and i last night. we're getting to be pretty good lip readers.

she mouthed that she loved me last night and she was asking about Keira too.

They obviously still have her doped up pretty good - last night she was telling me and my Dad about Paula Dean coming to visit her in the ICU one day. her son "Bobby"? was with her too. haha... i was trying not to laugh but it was pretty funny. not sure if she'll remember that when we tell her later when she's out of here.

they've moved her a couple times to a chair beside her bed. they basically put her in a sling and pick her up and move her.

one of the biggest things that need to improve right now is her leg strength. she can't really move her legs right now. they have her doing physical therapy a couple times a day because they need her to walk. if she can walk it will build some lung capacity back and make her lungs stronger/more oxygen to her lungs (or something like that - i'm not the detail guy).

the GREAT news is that her new lungs are obviously starting to work a little bit now. if they can keep her off the Vent for 48 hours straight they will send her to the "Step Down" ICU which they say is a REALLY big step.

looking forward to that day

WOWed by these benefits (repost)

(i originally wrote and posted this to renown on February 8, 2010.)

This is such an awesome song I read the lyrics to on Friday. I have been thinking about it ever since. I read it again today and still can't get away from it.

It was written by this songwriter guy named David. Maybe you've heard of him? It goes like this:

"Praise the LORD, my soul;
       all my inmost being, praise his holy name.

Praise the LORD, my soul,
       and forget not all his benefits—

who forgives all your sins
       and heals all your diseases,

who redeems your life from the pit
       and crowns you with love and compassion,

who satisfies your desires with good things
       so that your youth is renewed like the eagle's.

The LORD works righteousness
       and justice for all the oppressed." - Psalm 103:1-6

I am seriously WOWed by these benefits from God. Just look at that. I'm blown away and have been for 4 days in a row now. I can't move on from this song. I'm just reveling in awe of who this God is.

And if that weren't enough, the song goes on to say this about our God:

"The LORD is compassionate and gracious,
       slow to anger, abounding in love." (Psalm 103:8)

I really don't feel like there's a whole lot i need to say (or can say). Just dwell on this song with me. I'm still just basking in the awesomeness of it.

I wish I had some musical talent and I would write some music for it... Maybe David or Scottie or somebody will do that one day?

are you still haters?

so i was reading some Clark Pinnock back before Christmas and was about to Tweet and/or post as my Facebook status "Reading some Pinnock today"
...then i changed my mind because i didn't feel like getting a lot of HATE comments and hate mail and HATE TWEETS that day. i just wasn't in the mood.

and then i had a question...

do people still HATE on someone after they're dead?

Clark Pinnock actually passed away over a year ago. i remember reading about it when it happened HERE and all over the web.
i was bummed because i think his thinking contributed a lot to the conversation.

i started reading Pinnock back in college. because of a certain 50 page research paper i wrote back then on a topic that he was in the thick of - i REALLY had to wrestle with what he was saying. back then i disagreed with him but could appreciate where he was coming from. no way was he crazy... probably more brilliant than all the rest of us.

so, i've continued to read some Pinnock ever since.

...to the disgust of pretty much everyone i know :)

in fact, at my 1st job out of college, i remember reading a then recent Pinnock book. i made the mistake of showing it to my friend and co-worker in the office next door and he promptly THREW the book across the room to me and said something like "get that away from me."

wow. just a book, man.

(but it's always been crazy to me how people can actually HATE a person because of their views. but that's a blog for another day.)

so i was just curious - do you still hate on someone after they're dead?
i was curious that day... could i have Tweeted that i was reading Pinnock and would the haters still come out of the woodwork?
OR
does all that change when the hated upon dies?

i don't think i've ever been a hater, so i wasn't quite sure how it works...

anyway, didn't matter because i didn't tweet it, but now i'm writing about my curiosity.
and maybe it will enable me to find out the answer to my Q

and just in case any of you are wondering why i would even dare continue to read Pinnock... maybe because of stuff he writes openly and honestly like this:

"So I do not apologize for admitting to being on a pilgrimage in theology, as if it were in itself some kind of weakness of intelligence or character. Feeling our way toward the truth is the nature of theological work even with the help of Scripture, tradition and community …. A pilgrimage, therefore, far from being unusual or slightly dishonorable, is what we would expect theologians who are properly aware of their limitations to experience."

wow. 

Right. on.

we would expect it to be a pilgrimage, wouldn't we, Clark?

i hope i can engage on a lifelong one like you did and like most aren't willing to do.

hopefully they won't all hate on me like they did you... but i bet you'd say it's worth it.

i will NOT miss these moments (Keira)

i refuse to miss any of these moments with my daughter.

these amazing moments with Keira.

no matter what.

i may miss out on other stuff.

but not this. not these moments with my family.

this is just the choice i'm making. not saying it's what everybody should do... just what i'm committed to doing - in the middle of a crazy busy season (and recognizing that life will never be slow...) i'll have to miss out on some stuff. and that's ok. but i won't be missing out on this family stuff.
i'm trying to finish my master's degree - some things might just be late or not get turned in at all.
in my job - some things might drop. and that's ok.
with my dreams and visions and goals for the future - they may not move along as fast as i had hoped.
in all kinds of areas of life i may begin to miss out on all kinds of stuff, but that's the choice i'm making. and it's OK.

but i REFUSE to miss out on these moments with Keira.

i'm going to spend time with her every day.

look into her beautiful eyes in the morning.

smile at her and see her smile back at me.

talk to her and tell her i love her.

i won't miss these moments of her grabbing my finger

or dancing with her in the kitchen

or reading her a bedtime story every night

or playing with her during bath time

or Crystal and i praying over her every night...

i don't even want to miss these amazing moments of seeing my wife come alive in ways i've never seen before. it's crazy that she's such a natural at this whole "mom" thing even though she's never done it before. it's crazy that she's this good - it's like this is what she was made to do.
i don't want to miss watching her do that.

and i know more and more moments are coming - i won't miss those...
1st steps, 1st words, 1st day of school, 1st soccer game, homework, friends, etc... etc...

i have to CHEAT somebody, so i choose to cheat everything else before i cheat my family.
and i am THANKFUL to WORK for an organization that agrees! i know i am blessed and that's not normal. so i'm crazy thankful to work in an environment that backs me up and encourages me to choose to cheat work instead of cheating family.

AND i'm thankful that Crystal and i both had great models for "NOT missing moments".
my parents & my wife's parents intentionally chose NOT to miss the moments with us and that spoke volumes to us. they had to make sacrifices and give things up, but we think it was worth it.

so i make the promise to Crystal and Keira both -- i won't miss these moments with you guys. promise :)

(below is simply Keira smiling at Daddy)

innovation and all his friends

(you can read some of my earlier thoughts on innovation HERE & HERE.)

whether you realize it or not, innovation is vitally important to the world we live in. i would argue that it is foundational to this increasingly postmodern world.

and the NECESSITY for INNOVATION will only INCREASE, imho.

Some futurist experts say this about the way our world is changing:

“For the foreseeable future, information will be the business resource, and innovation the work.”

- Clarke & Crossland

factory jobs and technical skills used to be IT. that was the type of jobs everyone worked. those were the skills in demand.
now the world is very different. KNOWLEDGE WORK is king (information) and therefore INNOVATION is the skill that is required.

“Innovation is creativity in its working clothes. It has experimentation as a coworker and failure as a strategic partner."

did you catch that? Yes, innovation appears sexy from the outside looking in, but 2 key components to true innovation and creativity are EXPERIMENTATION and FAILURE! are you willing to be an innovator since it means those 2 will be your friends?

and let me be clear what i mean by innovation. Technology doesn’t guarantee innovation. it's just a helper. When i talk about innovation, i'm saying that only the practiced discipline of innovation will produce innovative results.

this is a discipline which requires carving out space to create. it's a discipline that by its very nature requires EXPERIMENTATION and FAILURE!

and if you're afraid of that or think there's another way, i thought this was an awesome "encouragement" from Henry Petroski:

“no one wants to learn by mistakes, but we cannot learn enough from success to go beyond the state of the art."

of course, we would like to be innovators without the hard work of EXPERIMENTATION and FAILURES, but it simply isn't possible. we can't experience one without the other.

While failure can be painful, innovative people and organizations EMBRACE this pain.

simply put by Clarke and Crossland:

“If you want more innovation, allow more experiments.”

how many experiments (and therefore how much innovation) are you allowing?

update on my Mom's new lungs

it doesn't feel like there are a lot of updates to give, although a lot has happened in the past few days.

The biggest news to us i think is that my Mom will be in ICU for months. that was not expected at all to me. i don't think my Dad expected that either.
not great news at all, but i would rather know that to prepare myself.

They have tried taking her off ECMO (the heart-lung machine) a couple times and it hasn't quite worked out yet. getting her off of ECMO would definitely be a good step.

they did take her off the heart pump though.

she had been having some internal bleeding and they did get that stopped too.

Getting this fluid off of her lungs is probably the biggest issue right now.

and her Kidneys started to have problems too so they put her on a type of dialysis.

they also put a trache in a few days ago which her vent is now attached to. and i think they are going to put in a feeding tube soon as well.

probably the hardest news to swallow was that 2 other lung transplant patients that have been on the ICU hall there with my Mom both died this past week.

it's all so much to handle. not sure how anyone might carry it all without Somebody to lean into... without Someone to trust in. Someone to trust in Who knows what's up even more than these Doctors do.
Dumping some cares on That Guy i trust in daily.

and i still have absolute hope that the God we've trusted in this far will heal my Mom. i believe that one day my Mom will be running in the backyard chasing her granddaughter, Keira... with an awesome pair of new lungs.