Crystal quotes of the day #6 (Pregnancy Edition)

Yep, time for some CRYSTAL QUOTES OF THE DAY again. You can read all about it HERE. and you can read the last few "Pregnancy Editions" specifically HERE & HERE.

hope they make you laugh... they make me laugh at least :)

Crystal was complaining 1 day about how this pregnancy was making her butt bigger, fat, whatever... & my default positivity kicked in. i can't help it. the optimism took over and i said:

Me: "it's ok, just be thankful u have a butt."

Crystal: (giving me the look like I just said the craziest thing in the world & like i'm an idiot) "who doesn't have a butt?!?!?"

touche. good point.

*During pregnancy Crystal was realizing she was going to be the one to be up in the middle of the night all the time... not me. i think i must have offered to trade off nights with her or something...

Crystal: "what are YOU gonna do in middle of the night? do YOU have breast milk the baby can eat?"  

Me: "I've got nipples Focker, can u milk me?"

ok, that one is probably not even funny, but it was in the moment. :)

*i was talking about how much i was looking forward to playing catch with this kid whenever it arrives and grows up a little bit. we were debating at what age you can play catch & i said i would start early. Crystal, pondering, said...

Crystal: "it's just annoying when they can't catch & stuff."

*about 1 month before Keira was born we were at a Piggly Wiggly at the beach & i think Crystal was eying one of those awful Piggly Wiggly t-shirts that say "i'm big on the pig."

Crystal: “I guess it’s not really appropriate for me to wear the PIG shirt now?"
Me: "I don’t know if it’s EVER appropriate for ANYONE to wear that stupid shirt."

hopefully somebody found these funny.

if not, at least we make each other laugh & that's all i care about.

i have some really funny ones to post soon :)  even a "Jesus" edition!

crystal quotes of the day #4 (another pregnancy edition)

You can read about my idea for these "Crystal Quotes of the Day" HERE.
enjoy installment #4 below... all quotes from when Crystal was pregnant:

*We just weren't able to fit comfortably on the couch anymore like we used to and Crystal said:
Crystal:   “there’s just a lot more of me to fit”

*We were just chillin out on the beach...

me:          “I’m gonna roll over on my stomach” 

Crystal:    “yeah, I’m gonna lay on my stomach next year.”

*we were taking a walk & i had just casually mentioned someone being my hero...

Crystal:    (indignant!) "WHAT!!?? I’m not your hero!?? I BETTER be your hero after I push a kid out my hoo ha for you!"

crystal quotes of the day #3

you can read the 1st "Crystal quotes of the day (pregnancy edition)" HERE.

today's "Crystal quote of the day" is a little bit more of a conversation that went like this:

Crystal:  "Can I have an advance on the baby clothes budget?"

Me:         "What do you mean? like you want next month's money this month?"

Crystal:  "Yes."

Me:         "OK, but you realize if you spend all of next month's money this month there will be none for this month."

Crystal:  "What? No, I want an advance so that I can spend the money for next month AND have that amount for next month too."

Me:         "That's not an advance... that's just extra money."

Crystal:  "Well, whatever you want to call it then. You say tomato, i say tomahto."

crystal quotes of the day (pregnancy edition)

my wife is straight up, no doubt about it, flipping hilarious.

daily she says stuff that cracks me up so hard i have to stop whatever i'm doing just to laugh. she's just being raw & real... usually not necessarily trying to be funny... she's just funny.

so, lately i've been trying to write that kind of stuff down. if i can, i've actually been trying to Tweet it or post it to Facebook or something, but that's only 1% of the time... maybe.

And half of the funny stuff would just be inappropriate to put out there on the world wide web. not bad by any means... just not appropriate, although i WISH i could blog about it because it is so funny.

for the other 50% of the funny stuff, i'm gonna give it a go to post it here regularly. i'm introducing a new segment on the ol' blog called "Crystal Quotes of the Day". it may not be something she said that particular day, but it's the funny quote or quotes i'm choosing to share that day.

and of course, sense of humor is always relative. we say to each other all the time "at least we make each other laugh". and i'm thankful for that. but what i think is funny, others may not find all that funny. oh well.

i actually started writing the quotes down when Crystal was pregnant... something with pregnancy made her say more funny stuff :)  BUT i couldn't Tweet it at the time because we still hadn't told anyone we were pregnant yet. so FINALLY i get to share some of this stuff.

without further adieu, i give you the very 1st Crystal quotes of the day... all from when she was pregnant:

*after eating at Olive Garden i turned around for 2 seconds and when i looked back my mint on the table was gone:
me:         "Did you eat my mint?"
Crystal:  "I mean, I ate a mint and the baby had one, so I guess the waiter just didn't bring you one."

*David Beckham was on TV & Crystal made some comment about his hotness:
me:         "You think he would make a better Baby Daddy than me, don't you?"
Crystal:   (reassuringly) "He wouldn't make a better Baby Daddy. He would make a better story."

*Last St. Patrick's Day:
Crystal:   "Let's go to a pub crawl. The baby wants beer."

*1 day when the pregnancy was having some ill effects on Crystal:
Crystal:   "After all this, this baby better be frickin' cute!"

*1 conversation when she was about 7-8 months pregnant & it ("pregnancy") had really taken full control of her emotions:
me:         "Why don't you leave and come back when you have a better attitude?"
Crystal:  "Why don't YOU leave and come back when I have a better attitude?"


not the same reading them as hearing them, but i hope they make you laugh like they did me!

this is going to be the best thing we've ever seen

exactly the way i feel & what i want to say to you, Crystal...

"We should get jerseys cause we make a good team
But yours would look better than mine, cause you're outta my league
And I know that it's so cliche to tell you that everyday
I spend with you is the new best day of my life
Everyone watching us just turns away with disgust
It's Jealously, they can see that we've got it going on

And I'm racking my brain for a new improved way
To let you know your more to me than what I know how to say
You're OK with the way this is going to be
This is going to be the best thing we've ever see

Maybe I'm just lucky cause it's hard to believe
Believe that somebody like you'd end up with someone like me
And I know that it's so cliche to talk about you this way
But I'll push all my inhibitions aside
It's so very obvious to everyone watching us
That we have got something real good going on

And I'm racking my brain for a new improved way
To let you know your more to me than what I know how to say
You're OK with the way this is going to be
This is going to be the best thing we've ever seen"

- thx old school relient K for putting words to what's in my heart

& thanks to my amazing wife for letting me experience something so amazing.