my prayer in my "mid-life crisis"

“God, let me make a difference for You that is utterly disproportionate to who I am.”

– David Brainerd (journal entry)

what a beautiful prayer.

so i stole it.

not sure if you can really "steal" a prayer, but i'm praying this as mine now in this little "mid-life crisis" i'm going through.
haven't talked or written much about it because i haven't wanted to. ever since we've been back from Kenya my mind and heart have been racing. too fast for the rest of me.
i don't really have a word or phrase for it so i just call it a "mid-life crisis". can't describe it.

but, when i slow down and think about it = who cares what i have done and can do in the future. because it's probably not much.
i'm busting beyond that and begging God = "let me make a difference for Your renown that is utterly disproportionate to who i am. for Your Name's sake... not mine."

forget my dreams. give me bigger ones. forget my skills, talents, accomplishments... YOU do it and just let me be a part of it.

maybe a mid-life crisis is good? to make me realize that i'm nothing and completely dependent on the only One who can use my life to make a difference.